To The One I Never Dated

I wrote this poem to express the feelings you experience when you’re young and want to believe that a certain guy could be the one for you. For me these feelings were a bit intense in that I was so obsessed with the idea of this guy that it took me years (yes you read that correctly…years) to realize that I should not obsess over someone that hasn’t taken any steps to tell me how they feel about me. I got so wrapped up in the emotions I felt when I was around him that I actually thought the day would come when he would finally confess his mutual feelings (I swore they were there). I’ve been dabbling with my thoughts about this point in my life and this is what I came up with:

***

Funny.

I used to think You were going to be my forever.

I swore that although you didn’t tell me you liked me all the signs were there

And so the time would eventually come.

I mean I couldn’t be drumming this all up in my mind? Could I?

The way you always found a way to sit next to me.

So close that our legs would touch

And I know you must have felt it.

The heat coursing through my body,

My hands trembling

As my thoughts insisted everyone could hear how loud my heart was pounding.

And even when it didn’t happen.

When by bitter but sweet luck you couldn’t sit next to me.

I would still feel it.

Your gaze

Piercing me from across the room,

I would look up at you.

You did not shy away.

Instead your eyes sparkled and you would flash me that beautiful smile

The one that instinctively released a zoo of butterflies from within.

These that I had stored for so long.

Afraid that no one would ever feel the same way,

So, I imprisoned them.

A life of confinement until the day someone might bravely set them free.

But I guess that wasn’t your intent.

Following through and solidifying everything that my heart was screaming was true.

Because the days passed.

On and on they passed and you never stepped up.

In fact you grew up and grew out

And rather than ever voicing the thoughts I vouched you had about me,

You voiced them about someone else.

How I still remember the day she came in.

Beautiful, calm.

Everything thing I thought that I was not.

You stared at her with those eyes I had deceived myself into believing only sparkled

Like that for me.

And the part I thought might have possibly destroyed it all,

When you turned to your right and whispered to my friend “Dude, she’s hot. Who is she?” 

Oh, how I would love to say that it all ended there.

That my once innocent admiration

Hadn’t turn into some sick obsession

Continuing to picture you with me

And the day that you would realize that it was I.

That I was still here even when she didn’t even care to give you but a second stare.

Yet like me

You persisted

Ending up nowhere.

But even though it took me a while,

I finally got here.

Realizing that this wouldn’t work

That I would never be enough to the one that couldn’t see my worth.

So I grew up, and I grew stronger.

Understanding that one day my beauty,

My personality,

My charm,

Would make someone else’s breath falter

And that even though you weren’t the one

And this will be but a distant memory from when I was young

One day I will walk towards an altar

And his eyes will glimmer for me.

His breath taken away,

His heart pounding,

When he takes me

In all my white glory.

Now, although this didn’t work

And you might never remember.

I hope one day you meet yours too

And she makes it all worth every single past failure.

***

It’s amazing how therapeutic writing your thoughts down can be. It really helps in putting things into perspective. I was young and naive, and to be honest it baffles me to think that I use to feel this way, but that’s totally okay. What is life without a couple of transforming lessons? I hope you guys liked this (keep in mind this was one of my first real attempts at poetry). As always love you guys. 

Xoxo,

Mara

 

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