Kyle Ellefson1. Start putting yourself first when you feel yourself starting to crash. 2. Stop being so hard on yourself. 3. Buy your favorite candles and light them while you relax in bed. 4. Draw yourself a nice hot bath and let all your thoughts disappear. 5. Sit on the couch with no distractions and…
The term “love yourself” seems pretty self-explanatory, right?
We love our families, we love our friends, our pets, so, loving ourselves wouldn’t be any different?
The thing is, most often than not, we solely prescribe the emotion of love to ourselves but not the action.
Sure the average person would agree with the statement, “yes, I love myself”. They don’t want to die, they try to be safe, and they may occasionally splurge for the benefit of their health (stress, anxiety, etc.) but that’s normally where it ends.
However, just like it isn’t enough for another to tell us they love us and without proving it with their actions, it is not enough for us to say we love ourselves and not prove it with our actions.
I get it, though, it’s easy to let the actions of love towards ourselves fall by the wayside because who’s going to hold us accountable? No one. (Unless you have amazing friends that are on you about these things).
If you’ll hear me out for a minute (or the rest of this post) I want to share with you some truths about loving yourself that will show just how important it can be:
1. Loving ourselves is beneficial to our well-being.
No matter how amazing it might sound to think that someone else can love us enough to mend us, no one can mend us like ourselves. Yes, outside love might put a little balm on our aching souls, but it is the hard earned love from ourselves that will completely heal us and make us strong enough to conquer this thing called life.
2. Loving ourselves involves intentionality.
Like I mentioned before, it is not enough to simply say we love ourselves and not prove it with our actions. In order for us to see the benefits of loving ourselves in our lives, we need to be intentional about taking care of our mind, body, and spirit. This means we need to sit down, create an action plan with a timeline and get it done because it’s important to us and we want to flourish and be at our best capacity.
3. Loving ourselves does not equate to selfishness.
Loving ourselves can sometimes bring about the misconception that we’re being selfish. Truthfully, I think this only manifests itself in one of two ways. One, it comes from us because we are so used to being kind and not wanting to disappoint people, that we feel guilty and therefore selfish that we’re no longer saying yes all the time. Two, it comes from another person who either a) doesn’t know you and confuses your assertiveness for selfishness or b) does know you, and in their disappointment prescribes selfishness to your new lifestyle choice rather than assertiveness. Regardless, you are not selfish for making decisions that benefit your well-being, even if it doesn’t sit well with other people.
4. Loving ourselves well, allows us to love others better.
This is what those who call you selfish don’t understand. Sure, you may deny some of yourself for the sake of your well-being, but that’s just it, it’s for your well-being. In the long run, you’ll be more present in the things you are involved in, and you’ll be better able to understand how to love other people.
5. Loving ourselves teaches us about who we are.
It’s funny because all of our lives, we spend trying to figure out who we are, what we want in life, and what we should do. We exert energy putting ourselves down when we don’t measure up to other people, when we haven’t gotten to the point we wanted to yet and have this screaming fear that maybe what we’re doing isn’t going to make us happy for 75 to 100 years. But if we took the time to love ourselves intentionally, we would realize, first of all, that everything’s going to be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it, it is. And that we are capable beyond what we ever would have imagined to do things and feel things that make life so much worth living for us.
Loving yourself is a lifestyle. It is something that requires intentionality and sacrifice but that will have amazing benefits on your life if you allow it to. (For some ideas on how to begin loving yourself check out this post 🙂 )
You’re going to be living with yourself for a really long time you might as well learn to love yourself now and focus on making the best of your time with the one who will always be there.
Good luck on your journey!
Dang, here we are again…
Another year has passed us by, and we have just ushered in a new one.
It’s kind of crazy to think that when many of us look back on 2016 we can overwhelmingly say that 2016 was one of the suckiest years.
As a nation, we have experienced, a number of tragedies, from the largest mass shooting, as well as many acts of police brutality, and to top it off one of the worst presidential elections.
And in their personal lives?
Some can attest to the same.
HOWEVER, I am a firm believer that there are always lessons that can be gained from even the most horrible life experiences.
It may not be what we want, or what we would have liked it to be, but if we take the time to reflect on 2016 we’ll realize that it held some positive and if nothing we can uncover even a few valuable lessons that have shaped us.
Today, I have decided to share with you a few of the lessons 2016 has taught me:
1. Emotions, like food within the heat of a cooker pressure for too long, will eventually explode into our daily lives if unaddressed.
You don’t really realize it until a series of events take place in your life and you find yourself not being able to handle them the way you normally do, but emotions are not something to take lightly. Whether you’re sad, mad, angry, hurt, whatever it is for whatever reason, it’s important to find a healthy way to address it. Talk to someone, journal it, do whatever works best for you, but get those bad boys out at your pace and in the comfort of your privacy before they spill out without your permission.
2. [l]ife is what happens when we’re busy distracted by meaningless things and sulking about the sucky parts.
Okay, so this one is a bit harsh, but true nonetheless. There’s no denying that life is a rollercoaster ride, and it will always be. However, in order to make the most of it, I learned that we need to wake up and be intentional about enjoying life despite its ups and downs. Life can turn out to be unbelievably amazing when we choose not to dwell on the negative, but rather look for the positive in everything and remain hopeful.
3. It’s OK to be selfish; happiness should be our top priority.
If we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t adequately take care of others. Simple as that. Yes, some people may become upset at us because of it, but we’ll never be our best selves or reach our potentials if we live life walking on eggs shells just to keep other people happy.
4. No matter how far I stray, no one has my back like God does.
Faith has been an integral part of my life for a really long time and even though 2016 didn’t see the main cause for its fracture, it definitely saw its biggest hit. However, even though I seemingly completly 180’d, God never left me. Like ya’ll don’t even know how good God came through for me and I don’t think I’d learn this lesson better any other way. This is not to say that my faith is perfect now, but I definitely know he has my back like no one else and that’s enough for me right now.
5. Loving yourself is a catalyst for overwhelming life transformation.
This one statement is literally the cure for all of the previous lessons. That might sound like a crazy thing to say but think about it. If I had learned to love myself I wouldn’t hold emotions in, I would make the most of life because that’s what’s best for me and I would understand that sometimes my happiness comes at the expense of things but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t there and that he doesn’t love me regardless. Mind blowing, right? I’m glad I realize that now.
Well, that’s all folks. LOL.
Seriously, though, I hope that these lessons have benefited you in one way or another and that they inspire you to take some time to reflect on 2016 and find the gems that are buried in it.
I wish you the best and happy new year loves!
P.S. Stay tuned for an updated about me post, including new post schedule and the theme for this year’s blog series. X